First all the time
by starnosy
Summary: After nearly a decade away from home, Bella is finally back. But nothing will ever be the same again. Long repressed feelings awaken anew for someone she had not expected to see there. Torn by her feelings for a married man and her lover, Bella is faced to make a decision. But is this person really bound to a vow, like Bella has thought all these years? Bella/Jasper
1. Prolouge

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight  
Rating: **M** (_for sexual contents, don´t read if you are under 18_)  
Pairing: Jasper/Bella

**First all the time  
**

The first love for a girl is always something she will never forget…

And so was it with me.  
Because mine had been Jasper Matthew Whitlock. My older brother's best friend.  
He was the first person I ever had feelings for. It didn't matter that it started when I was a child and it didn't matter to me if he loved me back or not. All that mattered was that at one point in time, Jasper was the first person I ever loved beside my family and as a kid it was enough for me.

_People say that time changes everyone, especially when you are still so young and don't know about life yet. _

_But not me. _

_Jasper was always the one that awoke feelings inside me that no one ever could. The power he had over me without him even knowing it, was immense.  
At first it was simple adoration and brotherly love but as time went on, it changed into something deeper than that. Something I have never felt before.  
The rush I always got whenever I saw him as I became older, was like nothing else. I felt weightless, and everyone else seemed to disappear. _

_More than once I wanted to fall into Jasper's arms or kiss him like a girlfriend would do. Whenever Jasper was close to me, I simple started to either float or melt. It was as if the sun shone brighter and warmed the insides of my soul._

_But at nights everything went dark and I cried myself to sleep. Simply because I loved him so much. I was so close to him but still so far away.  
He had left an imprint on my heart that will never leave me. It is as if his hand has burned itself on me, like a tattoo, claiming my heart as his.  
God, I was so young back then and so naive while believing in Prince Charming and a Happily Ever After…._

_As time went by and I grew out of my childhood, I thought I would grew out of my crush for Jasper as well but it was just the contrary of it. And that scared me.  
Because, I couldn't have him.  
Each day I longed for him. Each day it got worse and I ached for something I couldn't handle at that age.  
But doesn't matter what I felt for Jasper, I was only his best friends little sister.  
I was scared of my heart which wasn't really mine anymore. And I helplessly watched in silence as Jasper carried my heart with him wherever he went._

_I was fifteen as I learned that Happily Ever Afters and Prince Charming only existed in fairy tales._

_With eighteen, my nightmare became reality and I lost him forever._

_The first love for a girl is always something she will never forget…_

…_because after falling in love for the first time, flooding on cloud nine for the first time and embracing those new amazing feelings with open arms, _

_Your first heartbreak follows and sends you down on earth like a crashing plane._

* * *

A/N: I have this story for a while now saved on my computer and finally decided to post it. This is just a small prolouge. The chapters are much longer. The story hasn't much chapters. At first I wanted to make it as a one shot but it got too long.


	2. Coming home

B POV  
Chapter 1

The rattling motion and the sound of the brakes from the train woke me up with a start as we rolled into the next station. Somehow I had managed to curl myself up in the seat last night and my cheek was pressed against the cold glass of the window.  
With a groan and stiff bones from the long hours of being in the same position, I sat up straighter in my seat, stretching my tired limbs for a moment before I looked out of the window and sighed at the familiar outlines of Montana. It had been so long since I had seen them. Mesmerized from the sight, I almost overheard the speaker announcement.  
It would not be long and I was at my destination.  
The next stop would be mine.

East Glacier Park–_my home_.

Home, I thought sadly. I have not been here in the last eight years, to call it even that.  
But this place was and will always be that to me. Doesn't matter what choices I had made in the past.  
And the biggest in my life so far had been me leaving it eight years ago.

Since then I found every reason and explanation for my family why I never came back. Whether be it for a birthday, Christmases or Thanksgiving. I always found a good reason to not fly back to the states and instead stayed in Italy for extra work that no one else would do on these days.  
I just couldn't come back. Knowing that he was happy with his life in which I wasn't involved.  
I know it was the coward way out but I wasn't ready to face anything that reminded me of him.  
Deep down in my heart I knew I would probably never be ready for this.

One good thing had come out of all my excuses and extra work in the financial management of V. Group.  
My boss, Mr. Volturi was deeply impressed at my dedication. And as he found out about my random sketches from some horse equipment I did during some free time in the office and which was mistakenly believed to be a part of one of the first sketches of the new creation that year, was intrigued by me.  
And one day he had asked me to his office which lead me to my current job as a personal assistant of one of the developers of V. Group. Obviously Mr. Volturi saw potential in me.  
I heard many times that he was an expert in knowing people and especially those with a potential. He is one of the biggest billionaires I ever met and of course CEO of V. Group.

V. Group is a multinational company and the largest manufacturer of high quality, design lead equestrian of Horse equipment with headquarters in Italy. It is completely controlled by the Volturi clan.  
The company develops and manufactures the best products for horses worldwide. Everything from bridles, reins, halters, saddles etc. Name a brand, in the end everything comes back to V. Group. Every item was made with the highest quality. The Volturi family has marked a landmark in the world of horse riding since the beginning. The designs which I help to create, are developed between the members of the Volturi family and only a few people, me included, are on the team and I am more than lucky to have this chance to work in such an establishment.  
The company even bought up several of the best brands like Tennerson, McAnderson&Cain, Boldson Carthy or M.C. Saddlery and added them into their company.

I must admit that I probably wouldn't have made this trip back to the states if it wasn't for the new residence of V. Group in Seattle that had currently problems in the financial management and in the whole structure of the building. The liveware was underdeveloped and incomplete to make right decisions.  
So Mr. Volturi made a quick announcement to us that his nephew Demitri would fly down to get a general view of the situation and since I was Demitri's PA, I had no choice.  
At the moment my boss wasn't happy with the results of the upcoming saddle collection. The first assambling was due and we have not yet selected any individual items so far. Because every new idea wasn't good enough for Mr. Volturi.  
_'Too simple, not outstanding enough' _were Mr. Volturi's words.  
And the teams were stressed out while the saddlery eagerly awaited our blueprints.

I know that my family would never forgive me if I would not show up in the time I was there. So I went to my boss and asked him if I could stay a few weeks longer than original planned after the problem was solved and explained him my situation.  
Somehow I hoped he would decline my request. Everyone knows that Mr. Volturi was not an easy person and right now we had a lot of work to do. So I wished Mr. Volturi would say no. But since his nephew Demitri has found an interest in me, he had given me a green signal.  
As soon as possible me, some guy from the IT department and of course Demitri, were packing our things before meeting at the airport for our flight to Seattle.

Demitri.

I sighed heavy at the mere thought of him as I was rattled from the train as it begun to roll out of the station before continue its travel along the railroad with increasing speed towards my home.  
My hand touched the small swan pendant that hung on a silver band around my neck while his smiling face appeared in front of me once more.  
'_Oh Dem, what should I do with you'_ I mumbled to myself just before my phone beeped.  
Reaching into the pocket of my jacket that lay on the seat beside me, I get my phone out of it, knowing already who it was.

_**-On my flight back to Rome now. Miss U already. - Dem**_

I couldn't help but smile at the message. He was so sweet.  
I know what he didn't wrote but thought during tipping this message.  
He wants more, much more than we already have. And that was a whole other issue for me.  
If it would be his choice alone, I know Demitri and I would have married a long time ago. He was truly a family man and if I had let him, I think he had proposed to me the second time we went out for dinner. He was already completely smitten with me by the time.

Our real first meeting was when I went out with him for dinner to get to know each other since we would work side by side from now on. Of course I have seen him many times before but that was all. I knew Demitri was Mr. Volturi's nephew but we had never spoken to each other until that evening. I am not sure he even knew me until then.  
His Italian charm was always there and it intrigued me from the start. But what I liked mostly from Demitri is that we are a great team. Whenever work was calling, personal things are pushed back in the background and we became professional. Like now. No one would ever thing that Demitri and I had a secret affair beside work. Only a few people about us.  
At first it was just some fling for me. Nothing else. I wasn't ready for more and Demitri accepted it. He is a wonderful and patient man who hasn't looked around for any other woman in the last three years since we became more than partners.  
That made me kind of guilty because it is a clear message to me. But on the other hand I am immense thankful because it means not having lonely nights and instead I could share them with someone. Even if my heart wasn't fully with Demitri. Which brings back the guilt tenfold.  
Demitri deserved more than that, more than I could ever give him. But I liked him too much to choose a single life again. And for that I hate myself.  
But I just can't bring myself to open up to him like that. I am still undecided with Demitri in my life.

All because of one single person that I cannot forget.

Because of Jasper, no man was good enough for me on the long run. He had tainted my choice unconsciously. I don't even know why I was still so consumed with this man? A man I haven't seen in ten years.  
He certainly has his own family by now. So why can I not let go of this image I had created of a man.  
Jasper and I had never been more than friends. There was never a situation that had shown me that he was in any way affected from my presence. This cannot go on forever. My feelings for Jasper have to stop. Nothing good can come out of it. Those feelings certainly haven't done anything good ten years ago and won't do anything good now. I just need to finally let him go and the idea of us. I am sure that my heart will finally realize this too.

Maybe I should consider a relationship with Demitri. I know he could make me happy if I would just allow it. My family would love him too. There was nothing that would hold me back except maybe one thing.  
My heart.  
But that can change right? With time I can love Demitri more than I do now. Enough to marry him and share a life with him. I just have to open up for him.

_**-I am almost in East Glacier Park. Miss U too. 3- Bella**_

As I typed my message, our last shared morning in the hotel ran through my mind.

"_When will you be back?" Demitri asked me as he leaned against the doorframe from the bathroom. Steam from the shower escaped the open door and I smirked at the sight of him. With only a towel around his torso and still wet hair, he looked yummy. He was really beautiful. Even with a still lean body, Demitri was stunning. He looked like an athlete. _

_After a moment I looked away. He is really too distracting. _

"_I don't know. Your uncle gave me a few free weeks to handle everything in Montana. Maybe I can come back earlier. We will see." I said as I packed the last things into my suitcase but couldn't get the zipper around the edge._

_After my fifth try I gave up with a frustrated grunt and stared down at that stupid thing which Alice intended I need to have. Stupid useless thing. I still glared at it until I felt two strong arms around me and a warm body pressed into my backside._

_Hmmmm…_

"_Need some help?" Demitri's voice was a soft whisper as he spoke into my ear before I felt his lips close around my earlobe, sucking lightly on it and it sent a wonderful warm shiver down my spine that ended right between my legs while he pushed his hips into me from behind._

"_Maybe." I answered in a husky voice when I felt how hard he was. That was all he needed to hear. _

_Demitri's hands traveled over my belly with skilled fingers, slowly opened my buttons on my white blouse, one by one, before reaching inside to grab my breast in his hands and gave them a hard squeeze. _

"_Hmmm…no bra." He buried his face into my hair, above my shoulder and peppered my neck softly with kisses while his fingers pinched my nipples._

"_Don't need one…ugh Dem….please" I moaned as he awoke the fire between my legs once again. Without effort he pushed my blouse over my shoulders and it fell to the ground. I didn't care if it would wrinkles or not.  
Demitri whispered his want and love for me into my shoulder. Occasionally I felt him suck on my skin and every time his teeth scrapped my neck, I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips._

"_Demitri…" I was helpless and overwhelmed from the things he was doing to me and completely at his mercy by now. "…not…hmmm…not enough time…Dem-" I was cut off as his right hand moved down, back over my belly and under the waistband of my skirt and into my underwear until he reached what he wanted.  
My cry of pleasure was loud as I felt his thumb brush over my clit while his fingers disappeared deep inside me and my hips thrust against his hand._

"_Brava ragazza. Buon divertimento." Demitri's husky voice echoed in my ear and I bit my lip hard while he moved his fingers in and out of me. My hands searched for something to hold on to while Demitri played me so good.  
I was close to fall apart but before I could reach my peak, Demitri withdraw his fingers from inside me._

_No, please baby not yet…_

"_I need you so bad Bella. Let me have you once more before you go." And with that I was pushed onto the bed. Demitri didn't wait for an answer and I was too willingly to say no.  
I watched him with hooded eyes as he threw his towel in one corner before he climbed onto the bed as well and finally between my legs.  
_"_I can't get enough of you Cara Mia. You turned me into a sex hungry monster." He grinned wickedly.  
_"_Fuck me Dem. Just fuck me hard." I moaned in desperation. He pushed my skirt over my thighs and hips and yanked my underwear from me. I gasped in surprise before I got lost in my pleasure as I he thrust into me hard. Demitri didn't gave me time to adjust as he took me.  
It was as if he needed to show me how good he could make me feel. It was frantic and wild. And I loved every moment of it.  
_"_Thing about it Cara Mia, please think about us." Demitri whispered into my ear as he moved deeper inside me.  
So much pleasure filled me as I fell apart under him and I grabbed him tighter, rocking my hips with his, not wanting to lose our connection until I shuddered into a harsh climax, crying out his name. Demitri sank down on me and we lay like that for a few minutes until we had caught our breathes.  
_"_Come back to me Cara Mia." He whispered as we stared at each other. His beautiful gray eyes held so many emotions and I wasn't sure why he looked at me like that. His eyes bore into mine before he kissed me hard and deep.  
_"_Of course I come back Demitri." I answered breathlessly before we both got up from the bed._

Another message brought me out of my thoughts and I quickly opened it. A grinning Demitri was staring back at me.  
He was really beautiful. Under the picture was a text that said:

_**-It's raining here. Come back soon so the sun can shine again- Dem**_

And from the photo, it really does. In the background was a heavy shower and Demitri was drenched on the picture while holding his jacket over his head to shield himself from the rain.  
I heard over the train speaker that we would arrive in the next five minutes. So I quickly snapped a photo of me where I was throwing a kiss at the camera and wrote the word '_Soon_' under it before I send it.

-o-

I finally arrived at my station. And as the train stopped, I looked nervously towards the entrance. After straighten my outfit for the tenth times, I quickly grabbed my belongings and got out of the train to follow the crowd along the platform.  
From afar I could see the front of my dad's old rusty truck that parked beside the station. I smiled at the sight of it. Since I could remember, that old truck looked like that. Faded red color, rust all over it that was mixed with heavy sandy dust from the road. I walked around the corner of the station and saw my dad lean casually against the back of the truck with his cowboy hat in his hands, waiting for me. I came to a stop as I saw Charlie.

Eight years I have not seen him.

_My god._ _Charlie is so aged_. His full brown hair which had only a few gray strokes in it when I left, was completely gray now and his face showed more wrinkles then before. But still, he looked healthy and strong.

'_Even his mustache is gray_' I thought sadly.

My heart ached so badly, seeing him now after all these years and tears formed in my eyes as the feelings overwhelmed me.  
Charlie acknowledged me after a few people walked past him and a wide smile broke over his face. Without thinking I quickly walked over the almost empty parking lot and into Charlie's open arms.  
I literally fell into my dad's arms as he hugged me tightly to his chest, mumbling something I didn't quite catch.

"Dad." Was all I could say while I buried my face deeper into his shirt.

"Bella. Finally you are home." Charlie relaxed visibly as he said that into my hair and we stood like that for a long time, embracing each other without saying a word until I heard my dad speak again and it was much softer.

"I missed you so much squirrel."  
Hearing the sadness in his voice, let the tears finally spill over. I knew that it was very hard for Charlie to let me go all those years ago. We always had a special bond and I hoped it was still there I thought while he held me.  
Charlie grabbed me by the shoulders after a moment and held me away from him to look at me.

"Look at you Bells. You've become a real business woman. I cannot believe my eyes. Where has my little girl gone?" Charlie smiled proudly.  
I blushed at his words and he laughed loudly.

"Ah there she is." He grinned and lay an arm around my shoulder to kiss my temple.

"Come on Bells. Everyone is eager to see you again." With that dad put his cowboy hat on my head and grabbed my suitcase before he threw it non-gracefully into the truck bed without another look and climbed into the car. I smirked as it landed with a loud dang on the metal bed.  
If Alice would see that, she would throw a fit or maybe faint in horror. And if Dad knew how expensive that thing was, almost 5000 dollars, he would be horrified and probably not touch it again.  
Louis Vuitton isn't really my thing, as well as all the other expensive fashion labels which I wear every day. But to work in such an important establishment like V. Group, presuppose such an appearance.

Especially if I travel with Demitri Volturi.

My friend Alice is always such a big help even if I do not understand all the fuss about clothes like she does.  
I am really grateful that I have met her shortly after I arrived in Italy. Without her help, I bet I would still look like a little shy mouse. It was really a coincidence that we run into each other when we were at the Piazza Navona that day.  
We both had a sightseeing tour with our own schools and I remember seeing her sitting alone on one of the railings of the Fontana del Moro with a scrapbook in hand, drawing something with an intensity that I haven't seen for a while. Alice was not bothered from the busy crowed around her and seemed not to notice them at all.

I think it was my curiosity that finally brought us together.

Alice is still in Rome like me. After she finished her fashion study with bravura, she opened three luxury fashion shops around Italy with her own fashion labels. One of them are close to my work and Alice's favorite at all.  
It's a Luxury Concept Store, the place is a former unused library which has been transformed, in cooperation with the French architect Jean Nouvel, into a first class shopping mecca. It was all over the magazines as she opened it.  
But I think it was mostly because of the celebrities on that night and Jean Nouvel since Alice wasn't yet that famous back then. But after that evening, Alice had her doors finally wide open. Managers practically stormed her office to ask her to attend the fashion weeks with her creations and soon she got her own fashion shows. She was constantly on the phone with important people. I was so happy for her.  
Alice even got requests from New York.  
I know even if Alice adores Italy, she longs for home. She has often said to return back to the States and settle down in New York where her older brother lives.  
"Living and working in a place where you grow up is everything to me Bella." Alice told me once. And she was right but still none of us did the first step.

"Bells, get in the car." Once again I have lost myself in my own thoughts. I quickly entered the car and dad drove out of the parking lot and along the long dusty road.  
I thought it would feel strange to come home but honestly, I never felt more myself in the last ten years than right now as dad drove me back home.  
Realizing this, I turned my head to watched Charlie drive. He looked content and happy like I felt. Here and there he would wave at someone on the street. He must felt me watching him because he looked for a second at me before focusing back onto the street.  
"Something's wrong Bells?" he asked as we drove passed the last houses and finally out of town.  
I smiled as the feeling of home engulfed me.  
"No, nothing is wrong dad. I am just happy to be home. That's all." I sighed happily and turned away from him to watch the endless fields that stretched the land.  
"Good." He mumbled.  
It was really a hot day and I rolled the window down to let the warm breeze in. Only then I looked to the radio and frowned.  
"Dad, is the radio still broken since I left?" I asked stunned and remembering that it was in fact broken as I left.  
"No Bells. We had fixed it after that but the truck is very old and the radio always breaks down after a while. Doesn't matter how many times I fix it." He chuckled.  
"Oh. Okay well why do you not buy a new one?" I asked matter of factly.  
"Car or radio?"  
"Radio of course."  
"You know very well that this truck is only for work. Be it for us or any neighbor Bells. So there is really no need for a new radio."

I sighed. Of course dad was never a person for music. I smiled to myself as I remembered all the times mom had dragged him to the summer dances. I wonder if there will be one this year.  
"Will we have our usual summer dance this year dad?" I asked.  
"You bet." He grunted with a smile, probably thinking of mom.  
After a few seconds dad's smile left and he became suspicious while looking warily at me.  
"Why?" I had to laugh at his face.  
"Just asking. Maybe I will torture you with a dance." I grinned.  
"You and dancing?" he chuckled in disbelieve. "You finally managed to learn it?"  
"Yep. I learned a little in the last few years." And I immediately had to think of all the dances I attended with Demitri.  
"So does that mean you will stay for a while or will you fly back to Italy as soon as possible?"  
I frowned at his question. Damn, I got so caught up in all this here already that I forgot that I will fly back soon. I sighed heavily.  
"I am sorry dad. I was not thinking. I can only stay for a few weeks. I need to head back as soon as possible. My company is really busy right now." I know it wasn't what my dad wanted to hear.  
"Hm." He sighed and pressed his lips together.  
"At least you came back to us. Even if it's not permanent." He said after a while and we said nothing more after that, just sitting silently and content beside each other.  
As I saw the familiar outlines of our home, I practically jumped in my seat. I couldn't sit still anymore.

I was so happy to be home.

My dad laughed at me as he took the curve to the street that lead to our farm. Out here in the open was nothing more then fields over fields. The closest neighbors were a ten minute walk eastwards, over the dry river bed that separated our two lands. But Ol' Davis had long died before I was even born. So it was abandon all my life.  
"How is mom and Peter? And all the others around?" I asked while my eyes were fixed at our home.  
"Good, good. You know your mom, still her old self. But you will see it yourself in the next ten minutes." He grinned.  
"What about Peter dad?"  
Dad smiled widely as I mentioned him.  
"He had really become a good hard working man Bells. You will be amazed by him. He has his own farm and it works fine for him so far. The horses are really great." Charlie said proudly and I couldn't help but smile at that.

"So Peter finally did it. He has his own farm? Which one and where? Is it close to ours?" I couldn't help but ask question after question. I know all about Peter's dream and that he finally managed to do it was fantastic.  
Dad laughed hard at my eagerness.  
"It is so good to have you back Bells. I missed that." He said before begun to answer my questions.  
"Remember when your brother left for a while to work on different ranches?"  
I nodded. Yes I remembered that really well. He and Jasper left together to find some jobs on a horse farm.  
Jasper persuaded Peter to go to Mexico. The horse farm he had in mind were one of the best around but I knew why Jasper really wanted to go there.

It is still like an acid taste in my mouth to just think to that one person that caused it. Memories flooded me like waves.

_..._

.

"_Come on Peter. We are already late. Damn it. You know I have only this one chance. Tomorrow she will be gone again for another six months." Jasper grumbled with a deep frown as he run with Peter and me along the stables and towards the rodeo event from our city searching for _her_.  
For a week we had another rodeo event in town and everyone who held something to his skills was there. Professional Rodeo was the official state sport by us and Cowboys attended the event all the time.  
Mostly it contained tie-down roping, team roping, steer wrestling, saddle bronc riding, bareback bronc riding, bull riding and barrel racing.  
My favorites were tie-down roping, steer wrestling and barrel racing so far._

_On this day, I only was with them because Peter had to look after me since mom and dad were busy with the event.  
I hated it. I wasn't a baby anymore but obviously not for my mother.  
Not that I minded to hang out with Peter, as long as it was with Jasper in tow. But not like that. Not when Peter was forced to do it and Jasper only had one thing in his mind._

Maria Valdez_._

_I hated her. I never thought that I could hate a person so much. As soon as I saw her, I knew she wasn't good for Jasper. Call it a bad aura I sensed around her or whatever. Maybe it was because she was so carefree in everything and had too many admirer around her that gave me that feeling._

_Maria was a young famous and really beautiful Mexican cowgirl who was a fantastic barrel racing rider. And as soon as she came into our town, last year, Jasper was hooked.  
He had set his eyes on her and that was it. The only thing we heard for weeks from him while she was here were Maria here and Maria there. I was happy as she left after the rodeo was finished and was on tour again.  
Maria Valdez was a true Mexican beauty with long shining raven black hair that reached her tiny waist and curled slightly on the ends. With her olive skin, those really dark eyes and a body with curves every girl wished to have, she was the complete opposite of me.  
Maria was a young woman, in the prime of her life, twenty I heard Jasper say once. A year older than him anyway. But still, she was a woman and gorgeous, even in my eyes and I was just a girl, barely fourteen and far from those curves _she_ had.  
I had a girlish body and wore clothes that were Peters once, my skin was pale and I had freckles around my nose and cheeks along with dull brown eyes and brown hair that only reached my shoulders since mom gave it a cut this summer. I wasn't pretty. I was just plain while Maria stood out like a rare shining black opal in the sun, shimmering in her beauty.  
My heart burnt with jealousy for the first time in my life and I realized that I really wasn't that little girl anymore. And what was even harder for me to grip was that it was in these moments that I wished I was prettier, wished I was more to Jasper than just a sister but never would be. _

_I began to resent it whenever he would call me that but never said a word to him about it. _

_How could I?_

_The one thing I was so proud of since I was a child. _

_I felt special whenever Jasper had told others that I was his little sister. But now everything had changed and I begged to god he would open his eyes to see what a bag stagger Maria Valdez truly was. But it never happened because Jasper had been so blind._

_When I was fifteen, Jasper finally got Maria and they became an item when she was here. Then Peter and Jasper made plans to work on a horse ranch but couldn't find a good one that would take them.  
But since Maria's father had one of the best in Mexico, Jasper found a solution.  
Soon both my brother and my first love packed their things and left for Mexico. _

_Jasper never came back from it._

_Three years later Peter told me that Jasper was going to marry Maria. After hearing that, my already shattered heart crumpled to dust and I lost all hope which I still held to this day. As the shock subsided finally, I decided to leave as well. There were rumors about an exchange program in Italy that was provided from a man named Aro Volturi. The three best students of that program would have the chance to work in his establishment in the end. _

_I wanted to build my own future like Peter did, so I applied to it. When I got the acceptance letter, I took the chance and never looked back as well, until now._

...

"After he came back from Mexico, he told us about his plans about his own Ranch. And that he thought that he can finally manage it. Peter had really learned a lot in Mexico." I nodded but said nothing only listening to what dad had to say.  
"Peter didn't want to stay far from us so he bought the Davis farm."

_WHAT!_

"Oh my god. Really? Oh that is so amazing. And what kind of farm does he have?" I wanted to scream, so happy was I for Peter.  
"A Horse Ranch and Rescue Center."

Dad stopped his speaking and turned the engine down.

"Home sweet home." He smiled before getting out of the truck. I hadn't realized that we were home already.  
As I climbed out, I heard a happy squeal and as I turned around I was engulfed in a tight hug.  
"Oh my baby is back." Mom's voice was trembling and I hugged her back.  
"Hi mom." I whispered in her shoulder. "I missed you." I inhaled her sweet scent and I felt like crying.  
"I am so happy sweetheart, so happy."  
Finally she let go to look at me, like dad did at the station.  
"My, my, just look at you. I cannot believe how much you have changed Bella." Mom smiled approvingly at me.

Finally I could openly look at her. Mom still looked like before. She only had a few gray hair and a few more laugh wrinkles around her eyes and mouth but beside that, she was still the same.  
"I am still the same person mom." I laughed.  
"Hush, you know Bella that we have a lot to talk about. A lot." She emphasized and I rolled my eyes at it.  
"I know mom but not today. I am exhausted from the long day. I know it's still early but I think I will just take a shower and sleep if that's okay with you both. We can talk tomorrow."  
"Of course Bells. You must be really tired. I will bring your suitcase upstairs in your old room." Dad said and grabbed my belongings to bring them inside the house.  
"Don't worry sweetheart. We have all the time to catch up with each other." She kissed my cheek and lay an arm around my shoulders.  
"Come inside. I will make sweet tea and then you can head upstairs if you want."

With a smile I followed her while I heard my father laugh behind me.

* * *

A/N: Well, that was the first chapter. Waht do you think? Leave some reviews and tell me. Thanks a lot.


	3. Ten years

B POV  
Chapter 2

Coming home was peaceful and strangely relieving. After I had my tea, I walked upstairs to my old room.  
As soon as I opened it, I felt like eighteen again. Everything in the room was just as I left it all those years ago.  
Of course mom kept it clean and without any dust. But still, everything was as if I had never left. I slowly stepped inside and closed my door softly.

For a moment I just stood there, drinking everything in. In here, I could be me. I could always.  
Around this place, my home, there was no place for being constantly dressed up.

Suddenly I craved a shower.

With that in mind, I opened my suitcase dad had laid on my bed and rummaged for some old sweatpants and an old t-shirt that I could wear. Grabbing my toiletries as well, I took two towels from the cupboard in the hallway and went into the bathroom.  
Our bathroom was once a small _one-sink-with-a-shower_ room until I was born and dad rebuilt part of the main house.  
Now our bathroom was huge with two sinks, a beautiful modern shower and a tube that could held three people in it. As if that ever happened.  
I grinned at that thought.

Turning to the sink I put my clothes and towels on it before opening my wash bag. I put my shower gel and shampoo in the shower and put my toothbrush in the glass where the others were before I opened the cabinet under the sink to put my bag in it.  
I listening to the laughing that came from downstairs as mom and dad talked happily about my arrival.  
I really had missed that more than I thought.  
I quickly brushed my teeth and after that loosened my bun and my hair fell down in long brown soft curls that reached my butt.  
HA! For a second Maria Valdez came into my mind as I saw my curls.  
I remembered very well how she always tried to look good and showed herself around. I shook my head. It isn't worth it to think about the past.  
I combed my long hair until all the knots were out while I stared at myself.

Was I really that different? I don't think so. I still look like before, just ten years older. My skin is still pale even if I live in a sunny place. I never go out to tan. I would be more burned then to get a tan anyway. Even if I got a womanly body, compared to Maria, I was still dull and plain.  
_Argh! Stop this shit you idiot. You haven't thought about her in the last few years. Damn it.  
_I put the brush away and stomped angrily about myself into the shower, feeling the fire of jealousy rising inside me.

As I came back into my room after the shower, I grabbed my phone out of my jacket and called Demitri. I need to calm down and he could help with it. I had promised him I would call when I was home anyway.  
It only rang twice until I heard his warm voice.  
"Mia Cara. It is so good to hear from you." I felt myself calm down slightly by hearing his voice.  
"Dem," I whispered. I ached for some relief after this long day but with him overseas it was impossible.  
I sat down onto my bed and leaned against the headboard.  
"How are you Mia Cara? How was your travel?"  
"Good. I am just tired and need you badly. The trip was exhausting and long. I am sitting in my old bed right now." I chuckled.  
"I feel as if I was suddenly eighteen again." I laughed and Demitri laughed with me.  
"I know what I would do with you if I were in your room. No matter you were eighteen or not." His husky voice spoke softly.  
"You are so mean Dem. Stop it. I am horny enough here."  
"Then help yourself Mia Cara. Let me listen to your sweet pleasurable noises."  
"No!" I almost shouted mortified at the image I got in my head.  
"My parents are downstairs. This house is old and I do not dare to do _that _right now."  
He laughed loudly at that obviously enjoying my misery.  
"I really miss you Bella. Please think about my proposal."  
"Demitri I told you I will. I know I have told you this every time you have asked, but maybe this time it will be different. Just-Just give me a little bit time." I begged softly.  
"You know I always will."  
"Thanks Dem."  
"I love you Mia Cara. Sleep well."  
"Love you too Dem. Yeah Goodnight."  
I have just ended the call, as I got a new message. At first I thought it was Demitri. Only to smile as I read Alice message.

_**-Hi B.**_

_**How's it back home? Call you tomorrow night.**_

_**XOXO**_

_**Ali-**_

After typing her back, I stayed on the bed, just thinking. I was so torn. I wanted to do what felt right for me. But would it be the right thing to marry Demitri? Are you not supposed to be a 100% sure about that if you love someone? I sighed out loud.  
With Jasper it would be no question. To spend the rest of my life with him was easy to chose. But that was something I only could dream about in my sleep. Reality is Demitri.  
After a while, my eyes became heavy and I finally fell asleep after all.

-o-

It was late in the morning as I still stood in front of the bathroom mirror. For the last thirty minutes, I had tried to comb my hair so it looked less like a bird's nest, without any luck.  
_Damn, I should have known better than to go to sleep with wet hair.  
_"Perfect, just perfect. Bad hair day again." I grumbled under my breath as I finally gave up. I hated those days when my hair was like that. But since I always used to wear my hair in a tight bun at work, it didn't matter. Today I wanted to leave my hair open for once. I grumbled some more under my breath and picked out a brown scrunchie and pulled my hair into a high ponytail.

I always had that kind of hair which I inherited from my mother. In the past I liked that about my hair because I've always thought it makes me look like an innocent little girl that I truly was not anymore today.  
_Ah well it isn't as if I would try to win anyone's heart.  
_Opening my closet, I rummaged inside until I found my old worn out boots and put them on.  
They still fit perfectly.

Stomping down the stairs while I twisted my hair into a loose messy bun, I turned my ankle before I lost my balance. And like the klutz I still am, even with my twenty - six years, I stumbled loudly downstairs with a yelp. A second later my shoulder collided with the kitchen door, which would certainly leave a bruise. I fell through the door but luckily I was able to catch myself just in time at the kitchen counter before worse could happened.  
_Outch!_ I rubbed my shoulder for a moment before my attention fell to the empty kitchen.

It seemed as if nobody was home.

"Mom? Dad?" I called out before I shrugged and grabbed a bowl, milk and cereals. With a huff I sat down at our table in the kitchen and filled the bowl before munching away my late breakfast.  
Only then did I saw the paper on the table.

_-Bella-_

_I got a call from Brenda this morning. She asked me to help her in the bakery. I am not sure when I will be home.  
Your dad has left early as well. He is helping Billy fixing his barn.  
Since I am busy, I need you to go over to Peter's and make him some meal for launch hour. He wanted to come over for it but since we aren't home, there is no need for it.  
I already have started something. Take the boxes in the fridge with you.  
You can take the red truck._

_-Mom-_

Well, I had hoped to catch up with my parents but it has to wait a little longer I guess. Looking at the clock, it was almost lunch time and I quickly finished the rest of my breakfast. Putting everything away, I grabbed the boxes and searched in the pantry for a basket before grabbing the keys.

I knew how to come to the old Davis Farm. I just never went there by car and instead I had walked along the dusty road until I would reach the small bridge. Peter and Jasper were always down there after a long day, either at the lake or if it had rained enough, both would be at the river that flows from the lake. I would join them sometimes with a basket full with cool drinks and some snacks.  
Bringing the heavy basket down there was always an act for me. With my tiny arms and my clumsiness, it was exhausting but so worth it because Jasper's thankful grin and hug which I would always receive after, made up for it. After that, the three of us would explore the land on Mr. Davis farm until we would hang out on the wooden dock on the lake. Sometimes other kids would came around as well but that was very rare.

The river bed separated our two lands and since I knew that this road was the shortest way to the Davis farm from home and because I was already late for lunch, I used it.  
As I emerged from the forest and drove over the bridge, I cut the engine of the truck to look over the land. It was so wide open with the forest, the lake and the mountain on the left side and the mounds of grass land on the other.  
The huge lake under the mountains was still as beautiful as I remembered.  
I quickly started the truck again and drove along the small dusty road. From afar I could see a beautiful two store log ranch house that hadn't been here when I left. Modern but rusty was all I could think as I took it in.

The rumble of the engine was loud enough that Peter would hear the truck from a distance as I drove down the long dusty road to the house. Or maybe it would be the cloud of dust that blew up behind the truck that would alert him of someone's arrival.  
I was so excited to see him again and everything he had built up so far.  
_A Horse Ranch and Rescue Center.  
_I still couldn't grasp it. Peter's own ranch. My heart swelled up with pride for my brother.

As I drove along the dusty road, I already saw the differences.  
The land had definitely changed as I took in the property.  
The fields along the road were now lined with high wooden fences which hadn't existed before. A handful horses were grazing in the sun and I was stunned at how much the place had changed since I had last seen it. So much that I barely didn't recognized it anymore.  
Peter did really a great job in the past couple of years with all this.  
When I was at the back of the house, which I don't remember being there eight years ago, I thought for a second if I was on the right farm before parking my dad's truck.  
After ogling the house long enough, I finally opened the door and got out.  
Suddenly my heart tugged heavily inside my chest and I felt a warm sensation ran through me. It felt as if I belonged here, truly belonged.  
Frowning at that, I pushed those emotions away before I grabbed the basket with the boxes and walked onto the huge wooden back porch. I grabbed the railing as I took every step of the stairs.  
_I so do not need a repeat of my clumsiness like it had happened back at home.  
_Cradling the basket under my arm so that nothing would leak out, I knocked loudly on the glass door and waited.  
But nobody answered.  
I knocked again before I finally pushed the glass door slightly to the side and poked my head in.  
"Hello? Anyone home? Peter?" I called for my brother. But there was no answer.  
_Well, he will come around._ He must be somewhere on the farm anyway. Opening the door fully, I stepped in and looked around my brother's home for the first time.  
I gasped at the beauty of it.

I was in the back of the house that looked like a hallway but was still part of a room. Before me was a wooden staircase leading to the upper rooms probably. Here and there the walls were made of heavy wood instead of the usual cement walls. It resulted in a wonderfully cozy atmosphere. The walls, which were not of wood, in the corridor as well as the one that led upward, were hung with beautiful landscape photographs.  
Slowly I walked along the hallway past the stairway while I let my hand absently drag along the surface of the wood. I was in awe of this amazing house. It was practically one open space with one ceiling.  
The whole ceiling in the house was made of extremely old timber woods. And the joists were beautiful to look at.

Except from the upper rooms and the kitchen, you could overlook everything. I stood now fully in the living room and was overwhelmed by the size of it. Large windows lit up the room in the front while the stone fireplace of almost the entire room adorned the wall on the same side I was standing right now. In front of the fireplace stood a low dark rustic living room table, which was surrounded by two sofas and an armchair. Beside me on the left side was a sideboard with a vase filled with beautiful summer flowers. And above were two wonderful paintings.  
_Beautifully.  
_Beside the sideboard was an open entrance that was surrounded with heavy curtains.  
_It must be the kitchen.  
_And I was right.

Coming into the kitchen would have made me speechless if I had spoken before.  
The complete design and construction of the living room is also reflected in the kitchen again. Beginning from the joists ceiling to the kitchen fittings right up to the dark rustic wood flooring. Everything was decorated in rustic style except for the white walls.  
On the right wall sat a slightly narrower sash window that almost took the whole wall. On the opposite side, were the kitchen cabinets and the stove and the sink. Above them all were two large sash windows and in between was a large wood beams. Beside the sink was a door which leading outside to the huge porch.  
The huge fridge was beside me and in the middle of the room was a large table with six chairs.  
I have never seen such a beautiful kitchen before. I longed to cook here.  
I walked over to the sink to look out the window. The back porch decorated the entire wall surface and even went around the house. The sight out of the window was towards the path I came and to the huge lake.  
An amazing atmosphere to cook while looking out the window.  
After that I put the basket on the kitchen counter beside the sink and begun to work. Over the fridge was a clock that said shortly after half past eleven.  
For a moment I looked through the cabinets and drawers, so I knew where everything was before I took the frying pan from the chop on the wall.

It was after noon by now as I finished the most cooking. The scalloped cheese potatoes were finished with baking and were already on the table together with the plates and drinks. While putting the oil in the frying pan to heat, I remembered the tablecloths.  
_Damn, I always forget them.  
_I was just rummaging for them as I heard a door somewhere and footsteps coming closer. I smiled to myself, eager to see my brother after so many years.  
I wasn't sure if mom and dad told him that I was visiting.  
_That will be a surprise_.  
I giggled as I imagined his face when he would see me standing in his kitchen. I could hear Peter coming closer to the kitchen as his footsteps became louder and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest so eager was I. My grin was so wide while I had my head still stuck inside the cabin.  
As I finally found what I searched, I wanted to get up but froze as I heard _him_.

"Bree that smells wonderful in here. But I told you and Char that none of you have to come over all the time to cook for me. I am capable of feeding myself ya know."  
The tablecloths slipped out from my hands and fell to the ground as I heard _his_ voice after more than ten years.

_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. It can't be. Oh god._

I could hear him chuckle lightly.  
"Bree? Are you alright?" he asked me after a moment but I couldn't answer him. My mind was blank. The open door from the cabin prevented him from seeing my face obviously while he stood in the door until I came up with my back to him.  
I heard him take in a short deep breath as he finally realized it was me and not Bree, whoever that was.

"B-Bella? Is that you?" his voice sounded strange and I gripped the kitchen counter tightly before I turned around to face him.

"Hello Jasper." I finally choked out before I lost my voice as I looked at him. When our eyes connected, I had to grab the counter from behind, so I would not sink down.

Falling once again into the depths of his dark brown eyes, I was immobile to do anything else. I had forgotten how big and luminous his eyes were. _Dear Lord help me_.  
Jasper was now thirty – one, and the angles of his face were sharper, the planes more finely etched. Although his face was marked by a deep scar that marred almost half of the left side of his face, it has never harmed his beauty.  
And his body was definitely on a constant work out by how built he looked. His sun tanned skin let his blond almost bleached hair stuck out even more. It hung in disheveled curls down to his neck. Jasper had let it grow a little more and his scar was slightly hidden by it.

_Why was he hiding it?_

There was nothing left of the boy he had been sometimes.  
I was fifteen when I last saw him, a kid for him. But not anymore.  
Seeing Jasper again after so long now, was nothing I could have prepare myself to. He had become even more handsome.  
My heart clenched painfully in my chest, knowing that I can never have this wonderful man.  
How badly I longed to touch him, running my hands over his face, feeling the marred skin under my fingertips where his scar was before kissing it lovingly again and again.  
Just one look from him made me realize how much I still loved this man. And no matter how much and how often I will lie to myself, no man will inflame my heart the way Jasper does. No one will come close to that. Not even Demitri with his charm and his constant declaration of love to me.  
I know now why I had declined Demitri's proposal again and again whenever he had asked me. My heart was still hoping, waiting in the dark corner for something my mind had long given up.  
I was a fool to believe that I just could forget him.  
Like all those years ago, I found myself pulled under the spell of Jasper. I thought running away would help me to erase those feelings.  
God, I had fooled myself so good until I believed my own lies at the end.  
Only now do I realize that I had never forgotten Jasper and now everything was crashing down and I was almost not able to breathe.

I was so lost in my thoughts while staring at the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on, that I almost forgot the frying pan with the heating oil in it.  
I turned around quickly to make out the oven and set the pan aside, that I could not react in time when Jasper spun me back until I was face to face with him once more.  
Dumbfound I stared at him, feeling light-headed all of a sudden before I found myself in Jasper's strong arms.  
_Oh how I missed him_, I mused as I closed my eyes. _Being in his arms felt so right, so perfect. It's like home. Jasper is my home.  
_"I cannot believe you are here." He laughed into my neck. I felt his warm breath on my skin while my heart leapt with joy as I heard that sound again.  
I buried my face slightly into his chest without thinking and inhaled his scent before I answered him.  
"Me too." I giggled nervously and after a moment standing like that, Jasper let go of me. His eyes once again looking me over, a small smile tucked on the edge of his lips.  
"All grown up now, eh. Who would have thought that a small _beanstalk_ like you, become such a stunning woman?" Jasper teased while tugging on a strand of hair that had fallen out of my messy bun. I pushed the loose strand quickly behind my ear but didn't fire back a comment like I had done it when I was a child.  
"Not everything stayed the same and I have grown out of some old habits Jasper." I answered and he gave me an amused look. I remember very well how often Peter and Jasper teased me about everything. Just because it was so easily with me.  
"Really?" He grinned while holding my gaze.  
"Where is Peter?" I changed the topic while Jasper watched me intently.  
"Home." Was all he said and I frowned.  
"What do you mean home? This is his home." I became more and more confused by the minute. There was only this house around and my parents have told me that Peter would live here.  
Jasper laughed out loud before he answered me. His smile was slightly lopsided because the scar on his left side of his face prevented a full smile. But still, it was the most stunning and amazing smile I had ever laid eyes on. I loved _that_ smile. It struck me deep and I was speechless while he laughed.  
My heart raced so fast and I don't know how I managed to still stand on my two feet.  
"Actually Bella, this is my house. Peter's is down towards the main road of the ranch behind the small hill where the _real_ driveway of the property is." he pointed his thumb backwards.  
"The road you took from your house, is a private one that only the family is using, not the staff nor the guests." He smiled at me.  
"Oh!" was all I could say.  
"My house is the farthest from the main ranch and more secluded from everything. I like the silence around the lake. It's soothing after a long day of work." his gaze fell over my shoulder and out the window. I can imagine what he meant with that.  
"Peter lives in the main house closer to the road since he owns more property of the farm than me. But I am alright with that." He shrugged and focused back to me.  
"Don't be offended Jasper, but Dad has told me _Peter_ has a ranch. He hadn't mentioned you." I told him and hoped Jasper wasn't upset about it.  
But something was amiss.  
"Your dad's right darlin'. And I am not offended," a warm shudder ran down my spine as Jasper called me darling with his heavy accent and I closed my eyes briefly, bathing in the sensation. But realization hit me hard as his words reached me. If this is his house, Maria-his _wife_, was here too.

_Oh god, I can't take that picture of them together._

"Peter owns the most part. The other is mine. He didn't have enough money to buy it in the beginning and I lend him some of mine. In the end he asked me to come back here to work with him side by side." he said and half of my brain was still filled with pictures of Maria and him.  
"I am sorry I didn't know that. J-Just call Peter down here, would you please." I choked out as the bile made it's way up my throat as images of a beautiful Maria walking around this place, came into my head.  
"I have enough food for you all. I'll just finish the steaks. H-How many people are you?" I quickly turned around to the stove to continue. I don't want him to see my face right now.

If Maria was staying here, I am not sure I would visit often. Doesn't matter if Peter was living here too.  
Sadly, I still could feel that homelike feeling inside my heart while I turned the steaks around.  
"Will do darlin'. And it's only me and Peter today. Stuff has a free day once a week which is today." Jasper answered me and I exhaled hard and grabbed with one hand the counter as tightly as possible. Pressing my lips together, I wondered where his wife was until I felt lips press against my temple and an arm around my hips.  
I gasped loudly and almost jumped up to the ceiling as I realized that he hadn't left while I heard Jasper's deep chuckle. Within seconds, a blush covered my cheeks.  
"Still blushing. I have missed that Bella. It's good that you are back. It wasn't the same without you here." Jasper said before he left the kitchen, still chuckling.  
My heart wanted to explode, so hard tugged it in my chest.  
Why had he kissed my temple? It had felt so right to feel his warm lips.  
_NO! Stop that right now Bella. Jasper was just friendly to you. A welcome hug and a kiss to your head don't mean anything at all.  
He is married for god's sake._

Now that I was alone again, the spatula I had grabbed before slipped out of my hand and fell with a loud clang to the counter. With wobbly knees I held myself against the counter with both hands and tried to process what just had happened.  
Jasper is here and I am standing in his kitchen. He fucking lives beside my dad and mom.  
JASPER IS HERE AND I AM STANDING IN HIS KITCHEN. HE FUCKING LIVES BESIDE MY MOM AND DAD.  
It was like a mantra that I screamed again and again in my head.

OH GOD!

I can't do that. I need...something. I need...  
"_Demitri_." I whispered my thoughts out loud.

* * *

A/N: HA! Big surprise for Bella finding out about Jasper. Tell me your thoughts. I love to hear them.


	4. Ranch life part 1

BPOV

Chapter 3

Quickly I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number. After two rings I heard his voice and exhaled loudly.

"Cara Mia. I missed you this morning." his sultry voice was warm and silvery. So different from Jasper's deep gravelly one's.  
"Hi Demitri."  
For the next five minutes while I cooked the steaks, Demitri's voice soothed me.  
"Yeah, I am cooking right now for my brother. He and Jasper have a Horse Ranch and Rescue Center here. It's–"  
"Jasper? Isn't he the guy you had that crush on as a child." he asked.  
"Don't worry. That has been over a long time ago. And besides that, Jasper is married with a beautiful Mexican beauty. And even if he wasn't, I have you. What more does a woman wants." as I said that, I was more trying to convince me than him.  
My heart hurt as I said these things but it would bring me only to more heartaches if I continue to pine after Jasper.  
"I am not worried. Okay, maybe a little. Who knows what kind of guys walk around your place." I could here the smile in his voice.  
"Ha ha. Funny Dem. Look, I have to go now okay." he chuckled.  
"I–I love you Demitri." I said and I heard him gasp slightly. I never had said those words openly to him but for the first time I felt them forced.  
"I love you Cara Mia, with all my heart."  
As soon as I hung up, guilt at what I had done now filled me. Demitri didn't deserve that.  
Before I could think more about it, I heard a door open again and I quickly finished the steaks and put them on a bigger plate before bringing them over to the table as well.

"Where is she? Where is my sis? Whitlock I swear you better not joke about that or I will castrate you." I heard Peter's deep voice and a grin spread over my face.  
"I am in here big oaf," I laughed before he appeared with Jasper in tow. Both of them had huge grins on their faces as well.  
"Shit, Bella. You're back." Peter hollered before I was swept of my feet and whirled around.  
"Hey Peter." I grinned and linked my arms around his neck to hug him.  
He hugged me as well and for a moment non of us let go.  
"Damn it Bells. I missed you so much." He whispered into my ear.  
"Missed you too Peter." I whispered as well as I became suddenly emotional.  
After he finally released me, we looked at each other.

Peter was now thirty, and he resembled Dad more and more. His dark hair was a bit too long and needed a cut. His features were sharper and more pronounced on the cheeks and his nose was a little sharper. The soft edges, which Peter still had when he was twenty-two were gone. His face was now more angular shape and around his eyes and his mouth were formed slight laugh lines.  
"You look good Peter except that you need a cut." I smiled.  
"You too Bells. Damn you have changed." he laughed.  
"No I've not." I smiled with flushed cheeks.

Jasper was already sitting, watching us with an amused grin and as he saw me looking at him he held my gaze for a moment until I pushed Peter quickly towards the table and turned to the fridge to grab three sodas before joining them as well.  
"Aren't you eating with us Bells?" Peter asked me before digging into his food.  
"Na, I am good." I answered and sipped casually at my soda while looking out the window to the front porch.  
We all were silent and only the sounding noise of cutlery on the plate was heard. Suddenly I felt eyes on me while I watched the beautiful scenery outside the window and turned my head back only to look into the two deep brown eyes of Jasper. I was shocked at the intensity of his eyes but tried not to show it.  
He gave me a small smile after a moment before turning back to his plate and emptying it.

The boys were lazily sitting around the table, sipping their second soda while I washed the dishes.  
"Not in the house Peter," Jasper grumbled and I looked over my shoulder curiously.  
Jasper was about to snap the pack of cigarette out of his hand before he threw it on the table.  
"Oh come on man," Peter wailed.  
"You are worse than Char." He grumbled before making the move to get up.  
The chair scraped across the wooden floor until Peter stood. He put his cigarettes back into his pockets and grabbed his soda bottle and trudged towards the door beside me.  
I smirked at his face. Sometimes he could be such a stubborn little boy.  
"Stop that grin squit." Peter mumbled before walking out and shut the door loudly. I snorted at Peter and heard a chuckle from behind me.  
I became aware that Jasper and I were again alone in one room, so I didn't look over my shoulder and instead continue to wash the last few dishes.  
But my ears were on high alert, listening to every sound. His chair which scraped along the floor, the grunting noise Jasper made as he stood up, the sound of the chairs as Jasper slides them back into their place, the clinging of two soda bottles and finally him coming closer.  
And yet, I winced slightly when I heard his voice close to me.

"Wanna join us Bells?" He touched my shoulder and I couldn't just not look at him. So I did and nodded with a smile while my cheeks begun to blush.  
He waited for me, holding open the door and I dried my hands quickly before he gave me my soda.  
"Thanks." I mumbled  
"Your welcome darlin." he whispered and winked at me before we joined Peter. He already smoked and Jasper joined him after sitting down on the railing of the porch. One of his feet was bend and his arm was hanging over his knee lazily. For a while nobody said a word but Jasper would constantly look at me while messing with his hair or sipping on his drink. When he would catch my gaze, he would smile at me and again I would feel like a little kid under those eyes, totally in awe.  
What is happening? Is he really doing what I think he does? Is _Jasper Whitlock _flirting with me?

_NO WAY SWAN!_

I interpret too much into it. He has a wife. _Maria_. And Jasper isn't the kind of guy who would cheat.

I drank the rest of my soda in one gulp, averting my eyes completely from Jasper. I was so irritated by his behavior. If Jasper was not already married, I would be in seventh heaven from his flirty attention.  
But my mind was playing tricks with me once more like it did in the kitchen before as Jasper gave me a welcome hug and kiss. I tried to calm the butterflies in my belly down and concentrated on Peter instead.  
"So will you two tell me about the ranch? And where is Charlotte? You both mentioned her before but she isn't here and that is really strange since you two are an item since I could think." I pointed at Peter when I spoke the last sentence.  
"Yeah, well, Charlotte is visiting one of her brothers in Browning." Peter said while Jasper snorted at that and I looked at him only to see Jasper grin at my brother who oddly was pretty quiet all of a sudden.  
"I think you mean she has broken up with you," Jasper's grin became even wider after that.  
"What!" I almost shouted. _What the hell_.

"PETER!" Somehow I could tell that it was because of something my stupid brother did.

"What have you done to make her leave?" I snapped. I couldn't believe that these two had broken up.

Since I could remember Charlotte and Peter were head over heels into each other. Charlotte had loved my brother for a long time before he even realized that. And it took almost as long until the two were a couple. But that was mostly because Peter had left for Mexico.  
Charlotte and Jasper are related in the third degree. She had visited us every summer until her estranged dad, with whom she never really had much a relationship with, remarried when she was fourteen. After that she lived permanently with the Whitlocks.  
Charlotte was a hell of a woman. She grew up with three brothers and no mother. And this was also reflected in her personality.  
Since I've known her, Charlotte never stood down to anyone. I always have admired her strong self-esteem and confidence.  
She was a woman who doesn't have the need to agree with everyone and always told you her mind. The perfect fit to Peter because she never took any of his crap.  
And from her physical description she fit her character to the T. Charlotte was a natural beauty country. Beautiful long blond hair which she wore in a braid most of the time. Hips and a butt, which most men looked after. And I've never seen such big breasts like those of Charlotte. Maria could not even keep up with that size.

But in a way Charlotte was like me because she didn't care about her looks either, like all those other girls back in school did.  
I loved Charlotte like a sister and knew that she was the missing piece of my brother.

Both of us would hang around with Jasper and Peter often. Charlotte was two years younger than Jasper but she never seemed to bother about her and my age differences. She was the only one I could confide to about my feelings for him and when I left, it was mainly my fault that the contact loosened. And I regretted it to this day.  
"Bells you should ask him what he has not done." My eyes widened as every horrible scenario that would made Charlotte leave, ran through my eyes.  
"D-Did you cheat on her?" I choked out and Peter almost fell from his chair in shock while Jasper laughed out loud.  
"That isn't funny Whitlock." I snapped this time at Jasper and stared him down.  
Charlotte meant everything to me and those two idiots seemed to have too much fun. Jasper quickly stopped laughing and mumbled a sorry before sipping on his soda as he realized how serious I was. I saw Peter staring strangely at him before a small grin appeared.

I nudged Peter leg hard, demanding an answer.  
"It's really not that bad Bella." Peter begun and I heard Jasper snort again.  
"Okay maybe." Peter admitted.  
"I'm starting to lose the patience with you my dear brother. Spit it out."  
Jasper chocked at his drink.  
"Feisty." he winked at me and watched with an amused smile how Peter squirmed under my gaze.  
"Oh damn it. Charlotte left because she was tired of my stupid ass. It was our anniversary and she had some expectations."  
I groaned at that. Of course it was something important which Peter screwed up.  
"What was her expectation Peter?" I exhaled slightly and calmed down as I realized he hadn't cheat on her.

This time Jasper spoke for him.

"Your brother was supposed to ask for her hand but lost the courage and chickened out like a baby. Charlotte did not even notice that Peter wanted to do it because he was so nervous and didn't ask her in the end." Jasper never lost his grin.  
"As if you could do it better Jasper. I wanna see you trying. But yeah, I was really an idiot Bella. Instead of asking her, I just drove us to a diner where we could eat something normal. She was so angry after we came home, ya know. She immediately packed her things and left at the same night." Peter told me defeated.

I felt bad not just for Charlotte but Peter as well. I know my brother and those things always were hard for him to show.

He sight and got up.  
"Someone wants another drink?" Both me and Jasper declined before Peter disappeared inside.  
"Don't worry Bells." Jasper said to me the a moment Peter went inside. "Char will come around. She always did."  
"What do you mean?" I looked from the door to Jasper.  
"They had broken up so many times and always had come back together in the last ten years." He smiled warmly at me.  
"Okay, if you say so." absently I begun to play with my empty bottle.  
"Trust me, I know it." Jasper gave me a reassuring smile.

As Peter came back he looked at me expectantly.  
"So Bells, tell us about Italy." he grinned  
"Na, not so fast. You haven't told me about your ranch remember." I smiled back.  
"First a few question to you darlin. Then the ranch." Jasper said with a grin and the warm shudder rolled over me once more. I nodded and begun to tell them about my daily life in Italy, my job, Alice and why I came here in the first place.  
"So if your boss hadn't had problems in Seattle, you wouldn't have come home at all, right?" Peter pointed out with a frown.  
"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged while watching them both.  
Peter seemed upset about that while Jasper was deep in thought, staring over the lake.  
"Bella I don't get it. Why did you never come home before? Do you not miss us at all? We are your family damn it." Peter cursed and looked away from me.

I sighed deeply before I tried to answer him.

"It's complicated. My life is a mess Peter. It is hectic and fast-paced and beyond stressful. I hardly even have time for me. My boss is strict and expects clean and impeccable work all the time. I can not afford any mistakes, or I am out. I always have to be ready when my boss calls. And my free time with a working week of more than 50 hours, is very short. I am currently working even more hours because we work on a new collection for the next season. I have reasons why I didn't came home Peter. It is not because I didn't miss you all. I do, everyday."

"But I've built up a little in Rome. Just as you have packed your things and then were gone to Mexico, I'm gone to Rome. You have not looked back for years, right?"  
"How long has it been for you both? Peter you have gone almost five years and not once were you visiting in those years and you Jasper, I thought you would still be in Mexico." I finished my speech while I was looking at both alternately.  
"Don't accuse me on anything when you two did the same before." I spoke softly.  
It was silent for a while and I think no one really knew what to say.  
"I am sorry Bella. I shouldn't have been that upset. It's just, I miss you and I want you back here. We all do." Peter said sadly and I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.  
"I know brother. I wish I could stay. But my life is in Italy now. But I promise to visit from now on." I reassured Peter.  
"How long will you be around Bells?" Jasper asked.  
"Just a few weeks."  
"Well then we have to do our best to make those weeks your best you will have." Jasper promised me and Peter nodded furiously at that.

After that, they wanted to show me around the ranch but Peter got a phone call from a friend before we could leave Jasper's house.  
Five minutes later Peter left because someone had found a horse. Peter hadn't the time to explain much.  
"Bells, I am sorry but I have to go. Jasper can explain it to you okay." I nodded with a smile.  
"Bro, do you need my help?" Jasper asked Peter but he declined.  
"No man, you can show Bella around the Ranch. If I need you, I will call."  
With that he drove away in Jasper's truck.

As I turned to Jasper, he already was watching me with a smile.  
"So Miss Swan, ready for a tour?" Jasper grinned and put his cowboy hat on. I couldn't help and grin back at him.

-o-

While Jasper and I walked along the road, he told me a little about the ranch's daily life.

And I was intrigued.

"Tell me about the Rescue Center Jasper." I asked Jasper eagerly and I saw his amused smile.

"Peter and I began first with the breeding of race horses and we earned in the first few years a lot of money. And I mean it when I say _'a lot'. _Many well-known names approached us, wanted stallions exclusive from our bloodstock. We made a good name under the farmers. Thanks to Benito Valdez." Jasper told me as we took a turn through the pastures.

Benito Valdez was Maria's father. I never met him but heard from my dad that he has an imperium down in Mexico. And I guess he helped my brother and Jasper at the beginning.

_Which man wouldn't help his son-in-law._

Standing on the small hill, I could overlook the ranch in front of us.

"Your house has the perfect place Jasper. It's not too far but not too close as well." was the first thing that came into my head which of course I said out loud.

He just smiled at that and pointed to the stables.

"These stables over there, once housed our breeding horses along with the stallions from our many bloodstock's. Now we use them for our Rescue Center. It is secluded from the main courtyard, where now our stallions are housed. Beside Peter's house in the courtyard, we have built a larger mounting for our breeding. We didn't set out to open a rescue center – it just sort of happened. Now, every year we take in horses in desperate need of vet care, food and most of all, love and care to help them trust humans again. Most of the horses we have here, come from the local Animal Control facility or we found them scared, abandoned and injured on the street." Jasper explained as I looked at the stables where a few men were working with horses. They greeted us as we passed them.

"Like the call Peter got before?"

"Yes."

After that, I followed Jasper inside the first stable. It was a long building with ten shacks on the right side of the aisle. On the left side was a wash stall and right after a huge tack room.  
Jasper turned to me for a second.  
"Come with me. I want you to meet somebody." was all he said and suddenly I didn't felt so good anymore.

_No!_

I was screaming in my head again and again. I didn't want to meet this someone. Because I knew who it was.

Maria Valdez.

No, that's not entirely true. Her name is now Maria _Whitlock_.

_Pull yourself together Swan. _

I swallowed hard and followed him silently. My heart was in my throat and my pulse was racing. I could do that. I will face her with my head held high. Even though the sight of her as Jasper's wife will kill me.

We walked past the two food rooms, the two grooming stalls and another wash stall before we stopped at the first of the two shacks that were on the left. I grew more anxious as the seconds tickled by.

"She is amazing Bella." Jasper turned once more to me with a bright smile. And in the next few seconds that followed, I realized that he did _not_ mean Maria with that. Jasper opened the door latch of the box and slide the door open before stepping inside.

"This is Pepper. She was one of our first horses when we started the Rescue Center." Jasper stroked over her neck and shoulder and Pepper snorted loudly.

"When we got her, she came with seven other horses who where by the time in a horrible state. I've never seen anything so cruel until then Bella. These eight horses were abused, starved and injured so much that I thought they wouldn't make it." Jasper's voice was so sad and it hurts to hear him like that.

"Did they all make it?"

Jasper stroked Pepper's muzzle and grabbed a carrot out of his back pocket. From where he got it, I don't know.  
Pepper was slowly chewing it before Jasper answered me.

"No not all of them made it. Only five were strong enough. The others were too weak from their diseases and from old age and died one after the other at short intervals." He was watching Pepper and clapped softly on her shoulder.

"I am so sorry Jasper."

He looked up and gave me a sad smile.

"Come in. Pepper is a kind soul. Even after all the abuse she had to endure in her life, she still trusts us. Normally she is not in these stables anymore. But last month we got new horses and this one is very shy and scared of us." He pointed to the horse in the shack besides us. And I understood as soon as I saw it.

"When that happens, Pepper often helps us with them to retrieve the trust."

"She can do that?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah. Pepper is really calm. This calm radiates through to the other and soothes them. She is a tremendous help in severe cases. Especially when we work with new horses. Here take this and give it to her. These are her favorites." Jasper held a carrot towards me and I did what he told me.

While I was feeding the carrot to Pepper, Jasper walked slowly to the stable next door. The horse was immediately uneasy and pawed and snorted when Jasper came closer.

As Jasper stood in front of the box, he pulled out of his back pocket another carrot and held it through the bars.  
First, the horse showed no signs that it would take the carrot. But when Pepper pulled the rest of the carrot out of my hand and ate it, the other horse also slowly took the carrot Jasper held out and chewed it.  
Jasper smiled softly down to the horse, not saying anything and I was transfixed to him. But after a moment he held his other hand under the horse's muzzle before Jasper touched it slightly.  
When Jasper spoke, it was a soft whisper.

"Blaze was really terrified when he came here. Everything scared him. The first three days were the worst. But after we brought Pepper in this shack, he calmed. Only then was it possible to work with him. I am the one who is working with him right now. To get his trust back isn't easy but it's possible." Jasper whispered while his attention was on Blaze.  
I didn't reply, only watched the moment between them.

After that Jasper showed me all the horses who were in the stable right now and told me their story. I was horrified to hear them.  
While Jasper told me more about the daily life around here, a horse nudged him from behind. Jasper didn't respond and continued to talk to me and the horse continued to nudge him. It was quite a sight and I couldn't help the grin that appeared as I watched it.  
Jasper rolled his at me and turned around to the horse.  
"You're really impatient, you know that." Jasper touched its muzzle and stroked his head before his hand disappeared inside his back pocket once more.  
Only then did I realize why the horse had nudged Jasper all the time.

While Jasper held a carrot to the horse's teeth, I chuckled.  
"How many carrots do you bring with you?" I asked curiously. Jasper grinned brightly at me.  
"This was the last one darlin'"  
At that I laughed and he watched me for a moment with an amused smile.  
"What?" I asked Jasper after his stare was a little too long.  
"Nothing. I just missed you, that's all." He shrugged

Before I could think about his words, I heard a truck outside and Peter's voice.  
"Come on, let's go to see the horse." Jasper said and I followed him quickly out of the stable.

And for the first time I saw what the Rescue Center did.

* * *

A/N: Another chapter for today. What do you think? Come on guys. Just a little review ;D


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